Sunday, November 11, 2007

And I Used to be Such an Interesting Person...

Ok, perhaps I'm thinking a bit too highly of myself....but humor me for the purpose of this post...

"Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things."--Robert Louis Stevenson

We have a tendency, I think, to really appreciate the man or woman who puts everything else aside and with pure heart and single-pointed attention and constant devotion seeks out to do or create or sustain. And certainly one cannot deny that such a quality has some merit and is commendable in its own way. There are plenty of examples of what extraordinary things can be accomplished by one so focused.

And yet, like everything, it has its cost.

For me...with so much attention put on the rigors of self-employment (and the subsequent financial implications thereof) I find myself being less interesting. I don't have the time or energy to keep up on the things that interest me...the reading, the listening, the studying, the doing. And failing to do those things makes me feel monotonous. And if you know me, I don't do well with monotony....especially as it pertains to my life.

Of course, in spirit, the creative, dynamic quality still flows and circulates within me. I am moved by it every time I allow myself to shut the "machine" off. It rushes in and fills the space.

So like everything, it comes down to balance. The ability to give time to everything that feeds you. Of course, it's a dynamic balance...oscillating back and forth across the center line and never quite resting right in the middle. And that can be the tricky part...recognizing the moment when you've drifted too far away for the natural gravity of the middle to pull you back. Once you get beyond that point, it takes act of move you back towards the center.

And even when you've cultivated that will, you have to find the actions to support the new course.

That's where I am right now....slowly rotating my thrusters in to the proper position but still slowly drifting further out.

Perhaps just recognizing this, and taking the time write about it, is in its own way a small deceleration.


alyssa shane said...

THIS is exactly what I was trying to describe the other day! Though Robert Louis Stevenson said it so much more eloquently... and shorter. Humph! ;-)

I wonder of the cost. For me and my friends like you who are so devoted and focused. I don't believe I will regret though. I haven't yet!

Finding the ability to give time to everything that feeds me...

Haven't found it yet but getting closer and then further away and closer and further away and closer and... you get the idea...

Thanks for taking the time to write about it. I hope the small deceleration brought you much closer to the center line. Even if just for the moment.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing this.